It’s already Wednesday morning and I still haven’t written about the Super Bowl.
That’s OK because by now a thousand other guys have churned out a million words about every aspect of the game. While they were writing I was enjoying a drive through Southwestern Ohio, West Virginia (stay away from the Sbarro at Tamarack), Virginia (lots of speed traps), and the entire length of North Carolina to the coast.
Sirius provided killer rock, and some Super Bowl sports talk. I could only use the excuse of needing to hear game analysis for about 20 minutes before my wife nixed it, and we were back to Underground Garage. As usual, she was right as host Manfred Mann was orchestrating a superb set of mid 60’s psychedelic garage band rock. Later in the drive I was kind of curious to hear some halftime show discussion, and I wasn’t disappointed to hear the usual bleatings from uptight right-wing family groups, who were incensed they had to explain to little Johnny what pole dancing was.
What, you haven’t checked Johnny’s laptop lately to see he’s been checking out ShavedBeav.com? Funnier was the explanation from the entertainers themselves along with the geniuses that created the concept of the show. Crazy but I didn’t realize that bulbous, sweaty shaking buttocks, heaving breasts, fine, long, sinewy legs, crotch-grabbing, and wrapping legs around a large pole were elements of Female Empowerment, Celebrating Single Moms, Latino Culture, MILFS, and immigration. Hey, I’m FOR all those things!
I’ve never been MORE for those things than after that toe-stiffening 12 minutes Sunday night. I’m not sure I’m for whatever that kind of undressed guys with weird straps wrapped around them represented. Maybe an Up With People show horribly crossed with the San Francisco Gay Pride Day, with music by Jenny from down the street.
Anyway, I’m sure it was something good and decent. Us Midwestern Rubes can’t be expected to grasp the finer complexities of Empowerment Culture. All I know is the next time my buddies and I go to a strip club, er, Single Mom Empowerment Demonstration, we all have Shakira and JLo to thank for providing the excuse, er, impetus to attend such an important culturally enlightening event. I need to remember to bring lots of singles to purchase their informational literature.
Oh yeah, the game?
Patrick Mahomes brought the Chiefs back, Kyle Shannaan watched another one of his teams blow a fourth-quarter lead, Jimmy Garoppolo missed the same game-winning throw that Joe Burrow recently made, Andy Reid got his big Super Bowl win, and I was home in bed by midnight. Overall a nice evening with friends, enjoying everything that makes this country great. Maybe I’ll write more about the game next time, or perhaps I’ll discuss the finer points of surfcasting while balancing a can of Fretboard IPA in my elbow.
Disclaimer: The writer, editorial staff, advertisers and publishers of this web site in no way encourage, supports or endorses porn web sites like the one mentioned above, and we STRONGLY RECOMMEND that you do not click that or any site unless you are with a female cultural empowerment professional who can properly explain the intricacies of what you are viewing. Thank you.